I am loving...

my life.

Amidst all the chaos of doctor's appointments, worry and our baby-centered life I still do enjoy things.  I have ups and downs just like anyone.  I keep telling myself that this is just my time to have a "rough patch" and once Cameran's seizures cease (because I refuse to think of the alternative) life will be back to our "normal".

My birthday was yesterday.  29 years old.  I keep joking that I have 365 more good days left in me when in fact, I don't think 30 is going to bother me as much as it does most.  I don't know; maybe that is just me being optimistic.

Despite Ryan and Cami both having nasty colds and Ryan being gone for grad class, I still had an awesome birthday.  Mom and Dad came up and took us (Cami and me) out to Chili's for dinner.  Cameran of course would not allow me to actually eat a hot meal, waking just as the meals arrived.  But the appetizers and three bites of loaded mashed potatoes were great!

We then went to the greatest place on earth--Target--where I picked up stuff for me baby food and stuff for Cameran.

Stopped by Sherry's ice cream and got a cone of Hershey's Ultimate Peanut Butter Cup with chocolate sprinkles.  To. Die. For.

And then we were back home and I enjoyed a nice text-fest with my 10 year old niece Gabriella, who apparently tried to send me a birthday song via my iPhone, which did not work out.  Oh well. No birthday present for me. 

This was followed by a phone call from 6 year old niece/goddaughter Isabelle, who proceeded to wish me a happy birthday and informed me that she was going to put me on speaker phone so she could squeak out play wonderfully "Happy Birthday" on her teeny weeny violin.  It was cute, I must say.  Apparently she asked her teacher if she could learn this song just for my birthday.  How sweet!

Finally...I am loving my presents.  Here are the biggies...

Samsung point and shoot hi-def camera/video recorder. Courtesy of the hubs. (Smile detection so maybe I can actually catch Cameran in action!)

Keurig Deluxe Coffee maker! Couresy of my parents. (Now I don't have to go to Sheetz everyday!)

T21 Blessings

I am not gonna lie.  Some days I do not feel grateful.  I do not always feel grateful that I have a warm house and two cars; why isn't the house bigger and the cars better?  I am certainly not always grateful to have a job teaching rambunctious 7th graders.  I am not always grateful for my husband helping put Peanut to bed without asking him for help.

Most recently I haven't felt grateful towards the hand that motherhood has dealt me.  With that admittance comes guilt.  Lots of it.  Thankfully that feeling was fleeting and moreso due to the overwhelming feeling of learning Cameran has been having seizures probably since she was about 4-5 months old. 

Then I step back and try to remember that the reality is that my life is abundantly full of love and family and friends.  The challenges I face are my challenges and no matter what, I am blessed.  Despite the seemingly endless obstacles that Cameran has been facing, I am realizing that they are not without purpose. 

What I know for sure is this.  Life is fragile.  Life is beautiful.  Life is what you make of it.

Cameran is a blessing and I AM grateful to be her mommy.  Even in my darkest hour filled with self-pity and overwhelming amounts of anxiety I know that she is mine.  She is half of me.  Her extra chromosome is part of her, not all of her.  She IS worth the extra time and attention devoted to medical issues and interventions. 

For the most part she is healthy.

I thank God that she doesn't have major heart problems and does not need open-heart surgery.

I thank God that her eyesight seems to be improving. 

I thank the Lord that she is able to hear now thanks to her tubes.  She has made such remarkable gains in just three short weeks.

At some point I am sure I will be thanking God for pulling her through these seizures. 

At some point I will let go of the feeling of disgust I have for the handful of medical professionals that backhandedly critcize our choice not to have amniocentesis, as if it avoiding that test made it our "fault" Cami has Ds.

I will come out stronger.  No matter what future EEGS or MRIs show, I will be fine.  Cameran will be fine. 

She is going to help show the world that our idea of perfection isn't always in a bigger house or better car, but in simple things such as unconditional love, acceptance, and happiness. 

The best vacation might not be to Italy.  Sometimes Holland can rock just as much.

And for anyone looking for a pick-me-up kinda blog, this chic has been taking the world by storm with her view of life's "small things":  Enjoying the Small Things Check her out.  You can't help but leave the site with a smile.

180 degrees (Ode to ear tubes)

I'M BAAA---ACCCKKK!!!

Cameran is like a different child since getting tubes in her ears.  There is more eye contact, more awareness, more coordination and balance, and just an overall increase in happiness.  But most of all there are more.......

SMILES!!!

I am almost ashamed to post these because the quality is rotten.  They were taken by Ryan's iPhone camera.  You still have to be Mach 3 stealth if you want to capture smiles on camera, so for now I will take what I can get...

MOMMY STOP TICKLING ME!

Lady, you're crazy.

But I like it when you say "AhBOO!!"

It is really funny.

Especially now that I can hear!

Cameran got her tubes on March 31st, a Wednesday.  It is officially two weeks since she has had them.  They are amazing.  In just two weeks she has probably doubled the amount of personal interactions she has with others. 

The day she had the tubes placed in her ears was a work day for both Ryan and me.  We got up super early to go to Holy Spirit Hospital, since that is where Dr. Shapiro is based.  We probably waited longer in pre-op than it took for her entire surgery from start to finish.  She looked like a Greek goddess in her way too large hospital gown.

And when we were finished, we drove back home to where Nanny was patiently waiting to see how her grandbaby was doing. 

And then I went to work.

When I came home I was greeted by an ecstatic Nanny!  She must have been stalking the front door waiting for me to come home because no sooner did I have the car in park when she came running FLYING outside, hands flailing in the air, tears streaming down her face, with a HUGE smile exclaiming, "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! I have my grandbaby back! Jennifer--I was talking to her and she looked AT me and she SMILED--Just like back in June!  She is like a whole new baby!" 

I am sure that since these two weeks have passed since I am a bad blogger that I have altered the wording a bit, possibly omitting some of Barbie's Nanny's exclamations, but the point was clear:

  YES. Cameran's tubes already are making a difference not even a day later.