We parents of kids with special needs live in the present, mainly out of survival. Dwelling on the future leads to nothing good. However, every now and again there is a news story worth sharing that represents glimmers of hope amidst our sea of uncertainty.
Have you read it yet?
Good.
About two weeks ago I toyed with blogging about a work-related "incident" where I temporarily lost my composure after a student, without thinking, decided to entertain my homeroom with said student's version of "I'm a Little Teapot" with some alternate lyrics containing the r-word and some not so nice hand gestures. Thankfully I teach in a building where name-calling, derogatory remarks, slurs, etc. are not tolerated. Suffice it to say that this poor child learned his lesson. I am not proud of my over-reaction to student's antic; I simply chalk it up to my Mama-bear alterego kicking in. Yeah, yeah, now you are all wondering what happened...Basically I told Student it was not nice to say that word, and that I was the last person Student should say it to/in front of before other students chimed in and reminded Student of my daughter prior to me running out of the room and bursting into tears.
For a number of other unrelated indiscretions this student found the way to suspension. All I can think is that Student's display made me think about how strongly I reacted knowing that Cameran is going to someday have to survive middle school and ignorant comments such as this. It made me sad. Not so much angry, but sad and hurt.
And again, I thought about posting two weeks ago when this happened. But I didn't. Until now, and for several reasons. I am now able to make it a short anecdote and not an emotionally-charged tyrade as I fear it may have been had I posted when it actually occured. Mostly though, because tonight at parent-teacher conferences, Student and family came in together for a conference with the team. Student was very subdued, and very quietly on the way out, Student made his way over to where I was sitting and apologized. And it was sincere. And, in true Jen fashion, I cried. But, it gives me hope to know that maybe, just maybe Student learned a lesson and will be one lesson individual cracking jokes at people with special needs.
Our family has grown by one! Introducing Payton Lana, aka Petrie...Follow us as we journey through life with a lil something extra!
Showing posts with label r-word. Show all posts
Showing posts with label r-word. Show all posts
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Parallel Thoughts
Here is a link to a news article entitled "Insensitivity to Handicapped Individuals Demeaning" by Aaron Fichtelberg.
It hits home in terms of his attempts at educating others about the unnecessary, callous, ignorant usage of the words "retard" and "retarded".
I will copy and paste below for those who do not care to link to the original document...
It's going to happen again today. Somebody is going to publicly humiliate my disabled son.
It may be somebody I respect and admire, but it's just as likely to be one of my students or some snot-nosed teenager posting anonymously online. It could even be a close friend or coworker.
They'll call somebody a "retard" or "retarded." They'll say it to a friend over the phone in public. They'll post it on Facebook. They'll send it to me in a text. They'll use it in an answer for a question on my midterm. They'll be oblivious to what they're saying.
It's an easy word to say and it's just as easy to forget what it means. I used to say it too. I was probably worse than most people-for cheap laughs I would bend my wrist and tap it to my chest in mockery of a person with cerebral palsy. The first fight my wife and I got into happened when we were dating; I made a crack about "riding the short bus."
However, shortly after my son was born, when his body began twitching and convulsing during the seizures that shredded his brain, I very quickly learned how wrong, how stupidly wrong, I was. Because of my personal actions before my son Theo was born, I can't sit on a high horse and act like I am better than others, but I can be completely aggravated that somebody is insulting a sweet, innocent child who never did a single thing to them.
A person who called someone a racist or homophobic term would be publicly disgraced if they were discovered. A student who painted his face black and shuffled his way across the stage during a student event would probably be expelled. But luminaries like Jon Stewart, Ben Stiller and even Barack Obama can take a swipe at the disabled in front of millions, without suffering any real consequence.
The n-word is a hate crime. "Retard" is a punch line.
Racist and homophobic language is bad, but at least a black man can stand up for himself and fight back against his accuser. A gay man can turn the word "fag" into a term of pride if he's courageous enough. The intellectually disabled can do neither of these things. They take the ridicule and abuse, and according to crime statistics, they are far more likely to be physically or sexually abused than other people are. Stories of caretakers at homes for the disabled organizing "cripple fights" and jokes about "slapping a retard" casually told to me by unknowing and uncaring people keep me awake at night, paralyzed in fear of the fate that may await my son when I can't protect him.
My son, Theo, is a sweet kid who is always full of smiles-for those who get to know him. He loves hugs and tickle fights. He can smile and splash in the pool for hours and will spontaneously hug his twin brother Oliver-whether he wants it or not. He is a kind, loving human being. Like all other kids, he can also be a pain; however, that's the point: he's human just like you and me. To see only his disability is to miss so much. To mock his disability is to be inhumanly cruel.
Bill Maher once said that he wasn't referring to the intellectually disabled when called an opponent retarded. South Park tried to do something similar with the term "faggot" a while ago-trying to give it a meaning that wasn't a slur on homosexuals. I doubt Maher was being honest, but even if he were, it's beside the point. Despite what Kyle and Cartman might think, we don't always get to determine the meanings of the language we use. Society understands that when we insult somebody by calling them a retard, we are linking them with the intellectually disabled. This makes these people laughable, pathetic and even sub-human. Nobody ever uses slang terms for the disabled as a compliment.
I know that many college students are oblivious to the hurtful language they use and will dismiss what I'm saying as "politically correct" whining. Most individuals have not been fortunate enough to know or love somebody with an intellectual disability, to understand their challenges and their joys. But before you call your friend a "retard" or describe your least favorite professor-or perhaps this article-as "retarded," remember that there are human beings out there who live in the shadow of that word. How we speak about our fellow human beings says more about us than it does about them.
It hits home in terms of his attempts at educating others about the unnecessary, callous, ignorant usage of the words "retard" and "retarded".
I will copy and paste below for those who do not care to link to the original document...
It's going to happen again today. Somebody is going to publicly humiliate my disabled son.
It may be somebody I respect and admire, but it's just as likely to be one of my students or some snot-nosed teenager posting anonymously online. It could even be a close friend or coworker.
They'll call somebody a "retard" or "retarded." They'll say it to a friend over the phone in public. They'll post it on Facebook. They'll send it to me in a text. They'll use it in an answer for a question on my midterm. They'll be oblivious to what they're saying.
It's an easy word to say and it's just as easy to forget what it means. I used to say it too. I was probably worse than most people-for cheap laughs I would bend my wrist and tap it to my chest in mockery of a person with cerebral palsy. The first fight my wife and I got into happened when we were dating; I made a crack about "riding the short bus."
However, shortly after my son was born, when his body began twitching and convulsing during the seizures that shredded his brain, I very quickly learned how wrong, how stupidly wrong, I was. Because of my personal actions before my son Theo was born, I can't sit on a high horse and act like I am better than others, but I can be completely aggravated that somebody is insulting a sweet, innocent child who never did a single thing to them.
A person who called someone a racist or homophobic term would be publicly disgraced if they were discovered. A student who painted his face black and shuffled his way across the stage during a student event would probably be expelled. But luminaries like Jon Stewart, Ben Stiller and even Barack Obama can take a swipe at the disabled in front of millions, without suffering any real consequence.
The n-word is a hate crime. "Retard" is a punch line.
Racist and homophobic language is bad, but at least a black man can stand up for himself and fight back against his accuser. A gay man can turn the word "fag" into a term of pride if he's courageous enough. The intellectually disabled can do neither of these things. They take the ridicule and abuse, and according to crime statistics, they are far more likely to be physically or sexually abused than other people are. Stories of caretakers at homes for the disabled organizing "cripple fights" and jokes about "slapping a retard" casually told to me by unknowing and uncaring people keep me awake at night, paralyzed in fear of the fate that may await my son when I can't protect him.
My son, Theo, is a sweet kid who is always full of smiles-for those who get to know him. He loves hugs and tickle fights. He can smile and splash in the pool for hours and will spontaneously hug his twin brother Oliver-whether he wants it or not. He is a kind, loving human being. Like all other kids, he can also be a pain; however, that's the point: he's human just like you and me. To see only his disability is to miss so much. To mock his disability is to be inhumanly cruel.
Bill Maher once said that he wasn't referring to the intellectually disabled when called an opponent retarded. South Park tried to do something similar with the term "faggot" a while ago-trying to give it a meaning that wasn't a slur on homosexuals. I doubt Maher was being honest, but even if he were, it's beside the point. Despite what Kyle and Cartman might think, we don't always get to determine the meanings of the language we use. Society understands that when we insult somebody by calling them a retard, we are linking them with the intellectually disabled. This makes these people laughable, pathetic and even sub-human. Nobody ever uses slang terms for the disabled as a compliment.
I know that many college students are oblivious to the hurtful language they use and will dismiss what I'm saying as "politically correct" whining. Most individuals have not been fortunate enough to know or love somebody with an intellectual disability, to understand their challenges and their joys. But before you call your friend a "retard" or describe your least favorite professor-or perhaps this article-as "retarded," remember that there are human beings out there who live in the shadow of that word. How we speak about our fellow human beings says more about us than it does about them.
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